oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
