remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
