Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
