I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
