Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
