the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize