The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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