we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
now i know why i became what i already was.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
