Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
