Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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