Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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