as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
