Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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