lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
