Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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