She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
