I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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