she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
