I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
