Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
