Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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