My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
