I should be sponsored by Trojan
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
