This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
