We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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