Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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