So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
