Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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