Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
