people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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