At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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