Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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