She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
