first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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