Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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