I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Randomize
