you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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