She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have feelings that need drinking.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
