it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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