it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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