I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
false alarm, still single
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
