Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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