then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
