Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
