yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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