i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
