see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
there is glitter all over my balls
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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