In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Randomize
