I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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