Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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