I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need a beard to bite.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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