I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
