My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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