I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
even my farts smell like vagina
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
