I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We had to coat check the pizza.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
