she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
