just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
