YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
