so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
