I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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