but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
