why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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