Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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