I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
