i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You took a bar mat shot.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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