I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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