I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
