The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
