took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
