I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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