I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
