I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
