omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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