Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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