Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Swine flu. Run for my life!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
