My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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