Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
