And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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