Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
