do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
