well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
