goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize