he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
