Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize