Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I smell like Dick and happiness
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