Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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