also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
