My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
