know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
