Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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