dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
