saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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